Lisa Ann Butcher
Silver Bells
December is the month when trees become adorned with white glistening snow, we embellish our homes with twinkling lights, and we hear the sound of silver bells.
Christmas has always been my favourite time of the year. I associate this month with the smell of freshly baked cookies, drinking rich eggnog, watching old Christmas movies, and sitting by the fire. Some of us were raised to believe in Santa and experienced elaborate gift-filled mornings. Others prefer to enjoy celebrating the birth of Christ and paying respect to the meaning of his sacrifice.
For many people, Christmas is a joyous time. For some, it is a stressful time. Some find themselves overwhelmed with financial and familial obligation while others believe Christmas is defined by family, food, and having an appreciation of our blessings.
I often wonder what fuels these very different perspectives? Many people have told me their past negative experiences make this time inevitably stressful for them. However, I am not sure that past negative experiences are solely responsible for developing a strong dislike of Christmas.
I absolutely love Christmas, and for the purposes of this blog I explored the question of why. Many may assume it is because I had positive past experiences, however, that is far from the truth. I grew up in a single-parent home after my parents divorced and lived with a parent who struggled with addiction. My father didn’t celebrate Christmas after my parents divorced, so the task of making our house festive fell to me each year which I did to try and cover up the negative energy with some lights and tinsel. Despite those experiences, I have always associated each and every Christmas with happiness and love. I truly regard the month of December as the best time of the year. But why?
In Counselling Psychology we refer to our internal perceptions as schemas. These are preconceived ideas about how things ARE or SHOULD BE. Our schemas are built by our values, past experiences, and beliefs. They provide a framework, against which we compare and align all incoming information. An example of a schema that many of us will relate to is that all psychiatrists have an office with a couch in it for patients to lay on and divulge their problems. This is not a fact, but we all believe it to be true. Similarly, many of us have been raised to believe that Christmas is a happy, joyous time full of food, family, and celebration.
But what happens when how things ARE is in stark contrast to how things SHOULD BE? What happens to those who can’t afford food, don’t have a family, and weren’t raised to believe in Jesus? What happens when we are forced to try to enjoy Christmas during a pandemic where we can’t connect with family or friends?. Can we still love Christmas?
I invite you to consider. Christmas is not about what we receive or about what we experience. It is about what we give and how we influence the experiences of others. So this Christmas when we can’t connect with family and friends in person, how can we make it an experience where we can give to and enjoy others?.
This month I encourage you to direct your focus away from the tangible gifts we give, the meals we share, and the family gatherings we have come to enjoy, and instead focus on giving your time and attention to the experiences of others, rather than yourselves.
My best Christmas memories include nothing more than listening to Christmas music and watching an old Christmas movie, so why not try to share that experience with someone else by deciding on a menu and sending a list of the ingredients to your friends or family members who don’t live with you and invite them to buy the same ingredients, cook the same meal, enjoy the same bottle of wine, and watch the same Christmas movie from the comfort of their own home. Create a “together experience”, while staying apart.
Shifting our perspective is uncomfortable because it requires us to accept that in order to change our perceptions, we must lift the anchor to which our core beliefs are tethered. This Christmas I encourage everyone to redefine your Christmas schema and in doing this we can shift our focus away from what we want and instead be thankful for what we have to give.
Merry Christmas from all of us at Three Sisters Clinical Counselling.